I failed even before I began


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I failed even before I began

 

Hi Guys,

I 聽drafted this blog post at the beginning of the year, I did not post it because I was not sure if I could. Grab a chocolate bar cuz this might take a while.

This is me apologizing for my failure as an artist. I failed everyone who started this journey with me. I guess I failed, I failed even before the test started. In my head I failed. As a woman who tries to be right in every conversation, I swallow my pride and step back to admit my wrongs.

I will address this! This is how I failed.

The past few weeks have been rough! Forget the pretty instagram photos. It has been rough! Emotionally, socially, physically, mentally, spiritually and every other “lly” you can think of.

I basically battled in these areas of my life and i will open up and share some important parts with you.

brows

FEAR

Since I moved to London, I have been undergoing culture shock. It is the longest shock I have ever had….still have it. This has in a way limited my creativity and movement. I have been pretty much afraid to make new friends, eat new food, breathe fresh air…basically live. I have been afraid to step out and be better.

CONSISTENCY

I have procrastinated a lot because of this fear of creating, moving and exploring. I let myself think about all the things I cannot do that I just dont do anything. I cannot over emphasize how lazy this made me.

BAD HABITS

Well, late nights have always been a problem since the creation of smartphones. We dont know how much this affects us but I know it is really bad and I still have not dealt with it. I try but hmmph!

 

The main thing is fear! It is kind of a lot more than i have mentioned but Im sure you get the gist and you can relate. You are wondering where I am going with this since its just three problems I have highlighted. Well, I learnt some things this year and yeah……

Things I Want to Do More

Fear is the demon for every creative. It is only normal for you to think your work is not good enough but once in a while, lay back and smack your own ass and tell yourself you are a genius. Lol! no need to smack your ass.

We beat ourselves too much and forget to give ourselves credit for the good ideas we come up with or for even making amala without koko. A creative already battles with trying to be different and finding their signature style. You see, there is so much out there on the internet, it becomes too overwhelming and you begin to doubt yourself.

 

One thing you should remember is that you are so damn good enough! Once you have a creative block, sit back, re-plan, re-strategize. In fact, forget about the work entirely and then come back to it.

Accept your loss, you cant always win.

Dont be tamed or broken, be the great ape, break loose, cut through the cage, bite the bars….just dont be tamed

Be impatient, dont relax. Put on your own shows, start your own business, curate your own destiny.

We all have days when we are down, just dont stay down. Encourage yourself.

Be sure to leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts on how you overcome your creative depressions.

 

xoxo.

Illustrations are by Garance Dore.

 

Comments (34)

shaulay

September 2, 2016 Reply

Nice post especially on "fear", probably what I've been needing to hear. Thanks馃槝

    Claire Idera

    September 2, 2016 Reply

    Im glad it was helpful. Let me know what youll like me to talk about. :)

Pizzle

September 2, 2016 Reply

Claire, I've waited for you for so long. I lobe this post. Thank you for sharing with us and I do hope you come back again.

Pizzle

September 2, 2016 Reply

This post was amazing to read. The best post I've ever read. Please write more.

    Claire Idera

    September 2, 2016 Reply

    Thank you Pizzle, youre the best.

Hyperfashun

September 2, 2016 Reply

This is so true Claire. I think the trick is to keep going even when you're afraid. If you make a colossal mess along the way, who cares! you can always clean it up. i personally do not seek validation from anyone other than myself. I decided this a while back and it has helped me a lot and no i'm not cocky. it's just great for my peace of mind. Sending you love. Xx

    Claire Idera

    September 2, 2016 Reply

    Yes Babe, the idea of not seeking validation from anyone is so true. Thanks love.

Kitau

September 2, 2016 Reply

WE always know what we want and what need to get them going but most times WE became our own demons by letting fear get in the way...
I overcome my creative depression by praying about it because it gives me a level of confidence which really is all I need to light up the fire in me! We miss you here Claire...All the best.X

    Claire Idera

    September 3, 2016 Reply

    Oh Kitau, thats great! We should not forget how prayer really does help. I miss you too babe and I am so proud of you. Thanks love

Tobby Winston

September 2, 2016 Reply

I'm sure a lot of people not only those with creative aptitudes, would be inspired by this message. You never cease to amaze me. Good work

    Claire Idera

    September 3, 2016 Reply

    Thank you Tobby. :)

Tosin Oketunji

September 3, 2016 Reply

Excellent piece, Claire!

You had me riveted till the very end.
It is very easy to tell that this came from "Babylon" - your very core.
I could almost feel your pulse from the flow. (Now, hope that didn't come out wrong.

About the fear路路路路路路路路路路路i'd like to share with you, something that my coach shared with me in the past week.

Excerpts from the movie "Princess' Diaries".
(A letter from her father)

"Courage is not the absence of fear.
Rather, the judgement that something else, is more important than fear".

"The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."

"From now on, you will be travelling a journey between who you think you are, and who YOU CAN BE.
The key is to ALLOW YOURSELF make the journey"

I hope this helps you, as it did, me.

    Claire Idera

    September 3, 2016 Reply

    Haha! I think I am getting the blogger vibe now. I am glad you liked it. The last phrase is basically the key point. To allow yourself make the journey. Yes! Yes! Thank you for sharing Tosin. BTW! I just checked out your page on instagram. It will be nice to work with you, so please do stay in touch.

      Veronica

      September 3, 2016 Reply

      Deep talk and very true. You know, I think the boldest thing to do is to accept and admit it to yoursef when you are afraid especially when everyone sees you as their strong model figure. It makes overcoming the fear easier.
      I really needed this

        Claire Idera

        September 3, 2016 Reply

        Yes gurl! Somebody cannot be forming empress everytime. Sometimes you just have to take the crown off and chill and deal with issues then get that crown back on. I am so happy you could relate. Cheers to better days!!!

          Tosin Oketunji

          September 4, 2016

          OK, so I choose very carefully when to use the "GivingMeLife" hashtag, but this comment just be #GivingMeLife!!!

          I agree, oh!
          Sometimes, even the Empress needs to take some time off her royal duties.
          The kingdom will be alright, jare!!!

misstoseen

September 3, 2016 Reply

Thanks!! I had a creative block recently! I'm into graphic design and because my work is mostly commercial I began to feel more like a factory worker than a creative. One night I had 2 designs due the next day and I felt stuck and frustrated! I just chilled for a bit and started playing around with it... Eventually I was able to come up with something I personally loved!

    Claire Idera

    September 3, 2016 Reply

    Aww darling! Honestly, we designers have so many struggles but I am so glad when I hear how we are able to conquer them. Deadlines are the worst and sometimes, we just wish we used our time more wisely. Thank you for reading this post. Let me know if there's anything you want me to share on here. I will definitely be more consistent with blog. Love

Fifi

September 3, 2016 Reply

Thank u for sharing this xo

    Claire Idera

    September 3, 2016 Reply

    Thank you for reading. :)

Ilaye

September 3, 2016 Reply

I think, overall, this was honest; brutal but honest. I could relate with the 'consistency' part. We simply owe it to our existence to be better. Thanks for sharing. Stay strong.

    Claire Idera

    September 3, 2016 Reply

    Yes we do owe it to ourselves. I really intend to be completely open on here, with the good and bad. Creatives have struggles mehn. lol!! I am glad you liked the post. love

Tosin Oketunji

September 4, 2016 Reply

Thanks, Claire!

It would be really great to work together.
I will definitely stay in touch.

Cheers to more lead in your pencils and more ink in your felt-tips!!!

Mide

September 4, 2016 Reply

Well Said Claire, Sometimes we get so entangled in our own fear that we refuse to let ourselves be human; to make mistakes and even when we land a victory no matter how small, we don't praise ourselves instead we beat ourselves up just because "Miss A's" pictures on instagram shows that she just landed a better gig. One thing I have learned in life is that for you to ever move forward in life, you must first love and appreciate yourself and your purpose even if it doesn't seem to go the way you want.

www.portableisthenewhot.blogspot.com

    Claire Idera

    September 4, 2016 Reply

    Thank you Mide! Youve spoken well! Btw! I love your blog theme! :)

korede aremo

September 6, 2016 Reply

I really needed this. Was already experiencing the mental blocks that come with being tame. Frightened by the works I see on the net. *smiles* I know I'm gonna get better.

Obinna O.

September 6, 2016 Reply

Needed this!!!!

    Claire Idera

    September 6, 2016 Reply

    Awww! My boo! Im glad you loved it.

Motunez

September 8, 2016 Reply

Thanks idera Fear already killed what hasn't started

    Claire Idera

    September 8, 2016 Reply

    Hey Toyo,
    I want to believe you have not given up yet. Dont let fear come in the way of your happiness. Start regardless of what difficulties will be in the way. It will all be worth it at the end. Love

Ime Owo

September 17, 2016 Reply

This piece here is just what i needed. thank you for the inspiration.

Lulu

February 8, 2017 Reply

Thanks for sharing. Some very interesting points!

tomi mebs

May 12, 2017 Reply

this is exactly how ive felt since last year just couldn't put it in words. thank you Claire, it helps when u know ure not alone.

    Claire Idera

    August 9, 2017 Reply

    Tomiiii!!! You are not ever alone babe. Its always a pleasure to share.

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